Late night pondering about the past

Do you ever remember the past and think of how much you have grown (or haven't grown) from that experience? As I was writing my college essays, I was looking for something to write about what I've learned from my past experiences. I pulled out my collection of journals from the past four years and came across a variety of entries that made me laugh and think about how silly I once was and how quickly time goes by. I kept coming across lots of the same types of entires and found myself thinking about a time in my life that I believed I would never get over. In the moment it doesn't seem to be going by fast at all, but when you look back, oh boy, did it go by fast. So instead of wallowing in whatever the hardship may be, enjoy what is around you. Soon it will all be just a memory.

A journal entry from December 12, 2012:

"He was the kind of boy you would trust in an instant. Kind, loyal, hardworking, loves his sister, his family. The kind of boy that's quiet, but just loud enough to make you laugh. The kind of boy who shows up at your doorstep with flowers because he couldn't make it that night. Gives you credit for helping him on his Eagle Scout project. Whispers that you're the most beautiful girl at the dance, and purple is his favorite color because you were wearing it that night. Let's you know he misses you when he hears that song on the radio. Oh, and knows everything there is to know about Nirvana and The Black Keys.

The kind of boy you have to peel away layer by layer. You see, this boy fools you at first. He seems to be thoughtful and caring, but you always notice him with a different girl in the hallway. You start

to notice him getting defensive when things don't go his way. But yet, you start to fall for him. The way he holds you and catches your eye. The way he kisses you and holds your hand. He takes you to a different place when you're together. You meet his family and all you can think about is when you get to look into those big brown eyes again.

He has reeled you in. And he's got you. But this is where the story ends... he throws you back. Without a word or reason. Just says he's too "busy" and doesn't want to hurt you anymore. It should make sense, so you agree. But then you realize, you didn't take up that much of his time. You were good to him. Why would he run away so quickly? Why could he never be the same or be your friend? Why did he have to change?

In life, sometimes you don't know the reasons. You try to figure it out, but it leaves you exhausted and empty. So even if a boy like this breaks your heart, there is power in forgiveness. It doesn't mean

be a doormat, but to leave room for people to treat you better."

However, if you must wallow, I suggest to write it down like I do. So one day when you're writing your college essays, you'll laugh and smile and be grateful because your past has shaped you into the person you are today.

~Bellamy