Free to Struggle

You know you've been to way too many Tenth Avenue North concerts when you can't even remember how many you've been to. The contemporary Christian band has topped charts and grabbed hearts and I like to claim being a true fan from the beginning. The summer before my freshman year in high school, they were our worship leaders in Myrtle Beach and the following summers after that. But my friends and I couldn't get enough of Mike Donehey, Jeff Owen and the rest of the band, so whenever they came to Raleigh or anywhere nearby, we were on the skipper for tickets. Groupies, for sure.

We all have our favorite bands so this may seem a little irrelevant. However, every time I have seen the band and talked to them (yes, I'm not joking!), I can always see Christ in them and a love for serving Him. Not just because they are a Christian band, but because they are living for Him and witnessing with their talents. Mike Donehey, the lead singer of Tenth Ave, speaks at every concert. He makes it feel like it is a sermon with music almost instead of a concert. Yet out of all of the things he has said and the way he speaks, one thing has stuck with me, and that is what I want to talk about with you today: Live Loved. 

What does it mean to "live loved?" These two simple words we use much too often, really spoke to me, and let me tell you why. In my life, I have had an abundance of hardships and trials. We all have them. We fight. We give up. We rebel. We struggle. Recently I have felt so disgusted with myself and the things I've done when fighting against God, I've been too ashamed to come back to Him. I fought Him and everything He was trying to do to pull me above water. I just felt so numb that I got to a point where I just didn't care anymore. I've been hurt so much that I completely didn't want to feel anymore. I thought that building a wall around my heart wouldn't allow anyone or anything to break it, as it's been broken so many times before. So, I did away with my emotions. Unfortunately, it was worse not feeling anything at all. It's better to feel pain instead of being lost in the darkness and listening to Satan's lies. The devil feeds on the ones who don't care. It makes it easier for him to lead
them away from the Truth. He was loving it that I was so depressed and numb. He convinced me to
hide the way I felt because being vulnerable was just another opportunity to be hurt. Finally, it caught up with me. My choices and mistakes became public and my struggle was exposed. Once my choices got me into trouble, I came to terms with reality: I needed Jesus. Ephesians 5 talks about being so consumed with idols, or any type of distraction, that we disregard our relationship with God and that our sin will eventually be visible by the light. I had so many idols and distractions ranging from trying to win the love of a boy to believing Satan's lies. Coming back to Jesus to repent and turn away from the path I was going down made me so ashamed and embarrassed. How could He still love me with what I have turned into? I'm so lost and broken, how could He fix me? Why is it so hard?

The thing is, it's okay to struggle. That's way Jesus died on the cross for us. He died so we could live in freedom and perfect unity with Him. We deserved death but because of His love, He died for us. We live in a world with such sin and madness, but He wouldn't have died such a horrible death if He planned on just leaving us here. He allows us to struggle and allows heartache to pull us closer to Him and bring beauty to His love and what He did for us. When we struggle, we must cling to Him.
He breaks us to heal us, cuts us to touch us, and died to revive us. It is when we are at our lowest that God is glorified. This brings me back to "live loved." Instead of living with shame, we must live with love because the price has already been paid. We are free to struggle because His love catches us. We aren't struggling to be free from sin but instead, free to struggle because it brings us back to His love. So instead of living with shame, live with love. It's okay to struggle because we are connected forever with the ultimate Love: the One who died on the cross for us. 

-Bellamy